Thursday, June 16, 2005
Forgiving the Unforgiveable
Some of you would like to know when I am getting out of Kashmir. Monday or Tuesday next I expect to go to Dharamshala. The Dalai Lama will be there on the 23rd so maybe he will get to see me!...
In the following short skit, Michele, a righteous God, arrives from Srinigar to find that Gabi, an all-forgiving God, was initially quoted way too high a price for her room. Although the price had altered to "as you like" once it was clear Gabi was staying a while, could not afford the original price, and was posting loving things about the houseboat to various chatrooms, the Dabloos still pushed in the final negotiations for a high sum and renegged on their proposal that Gabi could even stay on "for free".
Michele has been travelling for five months in India and had purchased a ticket from Bangalore to Srinigar long before either of them knew Gabi would be here. A crazy coincidence, almost as crazy as the fact that they have nearly identical sandals. Gabi and Michele worked in the same room at Disability Rights Advocates about three years ago. Michele is very very funny and nice. She likes to engage people and tell the truth. She has a lot of chutzpah and often says things to people that make Gabi want to run and hide under a chair or a table. Abdul, the owner of their new houseboat, says Michele has a very clear, true heart, which is true even though he may only be saying it to get her to buy something. Her father is Israeli and she went each year to Israel growing up. She is a religion junkie and knows a lot about the many religions here. She is here travelling and doing some research for a doctorate program she is starting in medical anthropology; the research involves visiting disability-related NGOs and buying carpets and shawls.
Gabi had already concluded in several moments of bitterness, and absolutely unfairly to the entirety of Kashmir, that some cultures do not need a word for "liar", only for "truth-teller". She repeatedly thought the Dabloos were lying about something or other and would confront one of them about it. They'd then proceed to have long stupid conversations in which Rafiq would say that he never lies and she would decide that he was lying but either had to or felt he had to, which amount to about the same thing.
But while she knew the price she'd been quoted was not the lowest in Srinigar she did not realize she could get a near equivalent deal for one-third the price. It also came out that they were quoting absurdly high prices for trips and things (40% commission?), such that the trips were unaffordable to poor Gabi.
Part of the reason this happened is that even when Gabi noticed that they were lying, she decided that Generally they were trustworthy and she was Wrong. And this is because she thought she was a Good Judge of Character.
Setting: Walking on the sidewalk up Boulevard Road, the main access road for the houseboats on Dal Lake, about sunset. Tourist shops on the left, the mountains behind them. To the right the lake and the long front string of houseboats. At dusk the old paint jobs and crumbling facades start receding and the houseboats turn on Christmas lights and other multi-colored lights, so that they twinkle and the lake looks as everyone wishes it always would.
Gabi: "I still just feel so sorry for them."
Michele: "I don't."
CURTAIN
POSTSCRIPT: Who is right? I was definitely complicit in not laying down a more specific price. And in truth, so long as I agreed at first to the high price, what's a poor man supposed to do? What I'm finding beleaguring is in part that I was so trusting, and in part that I can't really figure out whether they were inherently wrong to try to cheat me. Two friends have told me, "It's all relative."
And it especially upsets me because it is the exact opposite of how they will get the Western tourists they crave, the ones that stay longer (than Indian tourists) and make the tourist industry boom here, the way it did, supposedly, prior to '89. It seems to many that people are still too poor, and the future way too uncertain, for them to be able to think about the future and what Western tourists truly want.
We shamed the Dabloos, too, because leaving the boat and going somewhere else is a very visible phenomenon in this small community. We went back the next day to take Tasleema out (of course she couldn't go, who knows what terrible things we'd tell her) and they wanted us to set a dinner date. Our family misses you! Rashid said he'd cried all night and continued to do so in front of us. We don't know what kind of exchange happened when we'd gone, whether we feel like family to any of them. Rashid said, come back, you can stay for 100 Rs, 200! Michele said, "It's too late. It's too late."
Michele says the lying phenomenon is throughout India but seems to her more extreme here. A couple of people have said it's specific to the tourist industry here; the government, too, goes without saying. It's no wonder that people here say so often (you'll hear it three times a day): "All five fingers of the hand not the same". Maybe given the media coverage and the generalizations tourists make in their attempts to form impressions of a strange place, locals always have to field such shocking questions as "Are Kashmiris good, or are Kashmiris bad." "Are Kashmiris perpetual liars? Or no?" It is also their way of warning you of the dangerous elements here, while reassuring you about the good ones.
When Rashid--who had also quoted me bad prices--had said, "I don't trust people, I trust only God", part of me realized this was a big problem: If you don't trust anyone then what's the likelihood that you're trustworthy yourself? Since there's no reason to be trustworthy in a sea of sharks.
Now, the place we have now is very very nice, and we were quoted a very fair price and are taken care of.
And now to (some of) my lies. There are several repeat questions that people ask which may be businessy or may be cordial. They include: Are you travelling alone. Where are you from. Where are you staying. How much are you paying for your room. I've taken to lying constantly, but Michele rarely lies and has taken to making fun of my lies. For example, many men would like to date white women here either for sex or a visa (I personally think the visa is the bigger issue, but I haven't taken a poll). So today when someone asked us if we were alone, I said Michele's husband was in Bangalore and mine was back in the states. To which Michele added, "Yes, but she's thinking of divorcing him."
In the following short skit, Michele, a righteous God, arrives from Srinigar to find that Gabi, an all-forgiving God, was initially quoted way too high a price for her room. Although the price had altered to "as you like" once it was clear Gabi was staying a while, could not afford the original price, and was posting loving things about the houseboat to various chatrooms, the Dabloos still pushed in the final negotiations for a high sum and renegged on their proposal that Gabi could even stay on "for free".
Michele has been travelling for five months in India and had purchased a ticket from Bangalore to Srinigar long before either of them knew Gabi would be here. A crazy coincidence, almost as crazy as the fact that they have nearly identical sandals. Gabi and Michele worked in the same room at Disability Rights Advocates about three years ago. Michele is very very funny and nice. She likes to engage people and tell the truth. She has a lot of chutzpah and often says things to people that make Gabi want to run and hide under a chair or a table. Abdul, the owner of their new houseboat, says Michele has a very clear, true heart, which is true even though he may only be saying it to get her to buy something. Her father is Israeli and she went each year to Israel growing up. She is a religion junkie and knows a lot about the many religions here. She is here travelling and doing some research for a doctorate program she is starting in medical anthropology; the research involves visiting disability-related NGOs and buying carpets and shawls.
Gabi had already concluded in several moments of bitterness, and absolutely unfairly to the entirety of Kashmir, that some cultures do not need a word for "liar", only for "truth-teller". She repeatedly thought the Dabloos were lying about something or other and would confront one of them about it. They'd then proceed to have long stupid conversations in which Rafiq would say that he never lies and she would decide that he was lying but either had to or felt he had to, which amount to about the same thing.
But while she knew the price she'd been quoted was not the lowest in Srinigar she did not realize she could get a near equivalent deal for one-third the price. It also came out that they were quoting absurdly high prices for trips and things (40% commission?), such that the trips were unaffordable to poor Gabi.
Part of the reason this happened is that even when Gabi noticed that they were lying, she decided that Generally they were trustworthy and she was Wrong. And this is because she thought she was a Good Judge of Character.
Setting: Walking on the sidewalk up Boulevard Road, the main access road for the houseboats on Dal Lake, about sunset. Tourist shops on the left, the mountains behind them. To the right the lake and the long front string of houseboats. At dusk the old paint jobs and crumbling facades start receding and the houseboats turn on Christmas lights and other multi-colored lights, so that they twinkle and the lake looks as everyone wishes it always would.
Gabi: "I still just feel so sorry for them."
Michele: "I don't."
CURTAIN
POSTSCRIPT: Who is right? I was definitely complicit in not laying down a more specific price. And in truth, so long as I agreed at first to the high price, what's a poor man supposed to do? What I'm finding beleaguring is in part that I was so trusting, and in part that I can't really figure out whether they were inherently wrong to try to cheat me. Two friends have told me, "It's all relative."
And it especially upsets me because it is the exact opposite of how they will get the Western tourists they crave, the ones that stay longer (than Indian tourists) and make the tourist industry boom here, the way it did, supposedly, prior to '89. It seems to many that people are still too poor, and the future way too uncertain, for them to be able to think about the future and what Western tourists truly want.
We shamed the Dabloos, too, because leaving the boat and going somewhere else is a very visible phenomenon in this small community. We went back the next day to take Tasleema out (of course she couldn't go, who knows what terrible things we'd tell her) and they wanted us to set a dinner date. Our family misses you! Rashid said he'd cried all night and continued to do so in front of us. We don't know what kind of exchange happened when we'd gone, whether we feel like family to any of them. Rashid said, come back, you can stay for 100 Rs, 200! Michele said, "It's too late. It's too late."
Michele says the lying phenomenon is throughout India but seems to her more extreme here. A couple of people have said it's specific to the tourist industry here; the government, too, goes without saying. It's no wonder that people here say so often (you'll hear it three times a day): "All five fingers of the hand not the same". Maybe given the media coverage and the generalizations tourists make in their attempts to form impressions of a strange place, locals always have to field such shocking questions as "Are Kashmiris good, or are Kashmiris bad." "Are Kashmiris perpetual liars? Or no?" It is also their way of warning you of the dangerous elements here, while reassuring you about the good ones.
When Rashid--who had also quoted me bad prices--had said, "I don't trust people, I trust only God", part of me realized this was a big problem: If you don't trust anyone then what's the likelihood that you're trustworthy yourself? Since there's no reason to be trustworthy in a sea of sharks.
Now, the place we have now is very very nice, and we were quoted a very fair price and are taken care of.
And now to (some of) my lies. There are several repeat questions that people ask which may be businessy or may be cordial. They include: Are you travelling alone. Where are you from. Where are you staying. How much are you paying for your room. I've taken to lying constantly, but Michele rarely lies and has taken to making fun of my lies. For example, many men would like to date white women here either for sex or a visa (I personally think the visa is the bigger issue, but I haven't taken a poll). So today when someone asked us if we were alone, I said Michele's husband was in Bangalore and mine was back in the states. To which Michele added, "Yes, but she's thinking of divorcing him."
